Well, today, I am exhausted. I'm that emoji with the squiggly eyes spinning around. I'm losing track of students thoughts, and it's empathy month (talk about irony). I'm lying in bed, thinking about how hard some of my students work, and how some students hardly have to try. I've got Nemesis tapping my shoulder, telling me to be fair. My back hurts; I'm the talk of the hallways (for better or worse); and my head could use a serious aspirin. If I tell my students I care for or love them, I feel like I might have a cop show up at my door, and yet, if I don't, I feel like I've failed myself as a human.
I just want to see what students are capable of, yet I spend a lot of time thinking about grading and keeping myself on pace with other classes. Students seem to be copying me, looking up to me, and I'm just trying to encourage them to be who they are. Smack talk is starting to feel more personal. People's walls are coming down, including my own. I've got a constant nagging feeling to push myself outside my comfort zone, and, like always, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
Honestly, I love the exhaustion that comes with Winter. It's just a nice time to reflect, to be honest. Students, in middle school, develop quickly. Yesterday, they were pushing your buttons, and today, they copy your response. You feel your thoughts in the hallway, and the more you smack-talk, the more you feel like your thoughts become the norm of controversy and tension.
I feel like all the people at my school seem to like having me there (an understatement). That's a nice feeling. Except when I'm out sick, I feel like I've missed four episodes of a K-Drama. Wait, this student both broke up and got a new boyfriend all in a day? Can we just focus on onomatopoeia? And now, apparently, I'm going viral for playing my harmonica in class.
I love my job. I really do. I love the students and teachers, even the one's who disagree with me. In fact, those are the one's that make my job most interesting. I'm addicted to tension. How else can you become a legend?
Sincerely, Mr. Colin Thomas Alexander
Comments